Aftermath of your disposal

It’s been 16 months and 12 days since you left but my bed still smells of you. My skin might be dried of you, but my soul’s still dripping of you. All these months if there’s anything that I can bet upon is faking a smile, because i know no one’s better at it than me. I might pretend that I don’t miss you anymore, but certainly can’t let go of the feeling of butterflies hovering all over my body when you kissed me the last good night. I was always scared of goodbyes. I was always afraid of losing the first and the last gem of my life. The flowers you gave me don’t look good as they used to but among those old photographs and a bundle of lovely messages, they are the only ones that still smell of ‘I love you’. I know you never liked me when I talked metaphors, now that you’re gone, there’s no metaphor intense enough to describe my feelings. Do you remember the day we walked through the streets all evening? I hate those streets now. Even though I long for walks like these, but they’ll never be the same sans you. I wouldn’t really want you back in my life, but my heart will always long for a love like yours. I might marry some other man some day, very happily. But our love would always be there in my heart, creating a void, crying on the lonely nights, thinking of all the things I could have said, thinking of everything we could have been, and missing your smile. To be honest, I don’t want you back. To be honest, I miss you to the moon and back.

Much love,
The girl you once loved and she loved you back harder.

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Let my love lose

Let the cut widen

Let the lips open

Let the pain begin

Let the heart ache

Let the memories hurt

Let the tears come

Let the heart shatter

Let the bruise form

Let the promises break

Let the lies be spoken

Let his wounds win 

Let my love lose.

-Nupur 

Breathe

 I can hear my heart beat, so distinct and loud. It makes me feel like I’m alive. It makes me feel like a human, a damn human. It  makes me feel that I’m important. It’s like suddenly, out of nowhere, It makes me realize my own existence. For a while, I’m pushed into deep thought. Suddenly realising the wonders going inside of me while I’m just breathing, something as mere and plain as breathing. I’ve been doing this for seventeen years and yet the phrase ‘the process of taking air into and expelling it from the lungs’ feels so surreal. Like how? I didn’t even realize when the thin air got into me. Was it taught to me? the breathing? I guess it was always in me for I don’t remember my mum telling me to respire. If I already knew something as important and as precious as breathing, I bet I also know to never let it stop. For if  you let it stop you’ll fail. It’ll be a biggest failure of your life. A power that was inside of you right from your birth, something​ that you didn’t acquire, you didn’t learn it, It was always there, as a part of you- the power to breathe. It’s okay if you failed your exam because you were required to learn things which you couldn’t. But there’s no way you can fail to live, even if it feels like hell, even if there’s no use, you just need to breath. Keep breathing and every piece of jigsaw puzzle will fall in it’s place, believe me. Because suicide is not the solution, in fact, it’s not even an option. 

Much love,

Nupur.

Change

You can’t change the way this world works. You can’t​ change a person’s feeling. You can’t make them think your way. And if that is what disappoints you the most, better off change your self.

Change the way you see things. Change the way you look, you talk, you walk. Change. Change fucking everything. Change your looks. Change your size. Change your style. Change your lifestyle. Change your feelings. Change yourself. Change your life. Change it for good.

Change isn’t scary. Why you’re afraid of it? Change is beautiful. Because it’ll make you beautiful. 

Change yourself today, Change it right now. Because if you don’t do it now, you’ll never be able to. You don’t want regrets when you grow up, right?

Change till change looks like a meaningless word to you. 

Imagine one morning, when you look at yourself in the mirror, and you aren’t able to identify yourself. That’s is the day you’ll​ win.

Love,

Nupur.

Skyyy

The sky was blue.

The heaven kinda blue.

It was like a clean piece of handkerchief that mommy gave me every morning while i rushed for school.

It was fresh, it smelled of happiness and joy and everything lovely.

But then you know everyone has colours, some of them being darker than others.

And the next day it was red,

Or maybe i thought it was.

It looked so wrathful and furious and mad,

That i swayed my head away,

But i could still see those orange rays peeping through my hair to catch my gaze.

And then i closed my eyes in dismay,

Dismay that it might blind me.

And tonight it’s black.

Dreadful black, I’d say

So dark yet I can see gloomliness, rejection and sickness finding it’s way.

And death taking souls away.

They are mere colours you’d say. But, they define my feelings everyday. 

-Nupur Dua